Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
