I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize