i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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