if i can run in heels then i can drive
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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