my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I understand Curling. That high.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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