k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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