Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
