My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
