dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
