There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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