It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
That's how pantless uber rides happen
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
