I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
