i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize