filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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