Pants 0. Shit 1.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
