I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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