if only i could text you this smell
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
