I just saw a hot homeless man
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
