hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We need a shit load of segways right now
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
