Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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