oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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