she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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