this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
