Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
