I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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