he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
