I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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