do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
