On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
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