is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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