it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
