So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
