Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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