I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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