Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
