Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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