fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
