If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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