JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
