Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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