Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
That's how pantless uber rides happen
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
