I faked an abortion last night.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
