Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
