he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
