thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
