Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
