I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize