i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
