I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Acid is not a monday night drug
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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