So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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