hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
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Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
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Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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