DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
there's paper in my vomit.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
