i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
