Your mouth is God's brothel.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
