Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Randomize
