somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
