this boner is exhausting
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
