I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
