im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
