i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
