We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
