you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
