Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
