I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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